My sweet boy,
You just woke up after only 2 hours of sleep tonight. I climbed the stairs as you screamed for me and when I walked into the room you stopped. Without seeing me you knew that it was Mama. You knew that you would soon be safely wrapped up in my arms.
You latched and drifted immediately back to sleep and then you reached up and grabbed onto my finger. Your whole hand grasped so tightly around my finger, as if you would never let it go. You’re safe, baby boy. You’re safe and warm and you’re loved; Mama’s not going anywhere.
This is the moment that I want to freeze in time.
Because I don’t care about the “me time” that I’m missing. The extra 30 minutes of sleep I could be getting, or the cup of tea that will get cold downstairs. Your little hand holding onto me so tightly is all I needed to remind me that these moments are going to be gone too soon.
You’re almost 6 months old already and soon you’re going to sleep through the night without needing me to come in to reassure you. Soon you’re not going to wake up calling for me. You’re not going to need to hold onto my finger like this and nurse back to sleep. So tonight I want to freeze time. I want to keep this tiny version of you for just a little bit longer.
You’re getting bigger and learning new skills every day. I am so amazed by you, just like I was with your sister. But now I appreciate the whole “it goes too fast” thing that everyone always talks about. And Mama isn’t ready for this to be gone.
So, sweet boy, hold on to my finger. Don’t let it go. I’ll be here as long as you need me.
I love you.